


The Shared Secret

by mean_whale



Series: Secrets [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Bonding, Crying, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Infertility, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Mating Bond, Medical Conditions, Men Crying, Omega Verse, Omega/Omega, Polyamory, Scent Marking, Scenting, technically, toxic stereotypes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 13:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi's relationship is only beginning, and Bokuto continues to find it hard to believe that he can have two people love him. Can they make things work when Bokuto gets bad news?





	1. Bokuto

Bokuto woke up feeling hot. He scrambled to sit up and looked around him, finding himself between Kuroo and Akaashi, limbs all caught together. He smiled at his sleeping mates, both looking peaceful and content. Carefully he climbed out of the bed and stretched. It was getting late. Akaashi would have to leave soon. He turned to look at the two sleeping men. He could let them sleep for a while longer.

Quietly Bokuto pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. The shirt was too tight on him, and he realised it was Kuroo's. With a shrug he collected a towel and left, heading to the showers. The corridor was just as quiet as it usually was so late on a Sunday. He smiled to himself, thinking about the sudden turn his life had taken just a few days before. It still made his stomach churn to think about how his secret had been revealed so suddenly and unexpectedly, but he was thankful that at least it had been revealed to his best friends, who had turned out to be attracted to him.

Bokuto continued thinking about the situation lazily as he showered. He was pleased to note that his anxiety over everything decreased the more he thought about it. Maybe eventually he would be fully comfortable in the relationship without feeling the need to hide a big part of who he was. It was a matter of getting accustomed to it.

He was still towelling his hair dry as he made his way towards his room along the hallway, when a guy, whose name he had never learned despite having talked to him a lot, showed up.

"Good shower?" the alpha asked.

"Yeah," Bokuto replied, putting on a mask of bubbly energy in the hopes that the feeling would soon turn real.

The guy gave him a thumbs-up, and was about to walk away when he stopped, holding out a hand to pull Bokuto closer by his arm.

"What's that scent?" the alpha asked and sniffed closer to Bokuto's neck.

With a sinking feeling Bokuto realised that he had forgotten to put on his pheromone patches. How had he been so careless, so stupid? Just because two people knew his secret he shouldn't have let his guard down like this.

"Did you bond with an omega?" the alpha asked, much to Bokuto's surprise.

"Y- Yeah," he stuttered.

"Wow, congrats! I always thought you were a bit odd for never dating but turns out you already had a serious relationship."

"Yeah," Bokuto agreed weakly.

He couldn't believe that the alpha didn't recognise him as the source of the bonded omega scent, simply assumed that he was the essence of alpha in the scent. It was a real stroke of luck! However, he couldn't help wondering if everyone else would make the same assumption, if maybe this meant that he could forgo the pheromone patches.

"You two really compliment each other," the alpha mused before finally releasing his hold on Bokuto. "That has to be the most harmonious bond scent I've ever smelled."

"Oh," Bokuto said. "Thanks?"

"Maybe one day you'll introduce him to us all," the alpha laughed, pat Bokuto's back, and left.

Bokuto quickly headed back to his room before running into anyone else. The next person might be more perceptive. Especially because he was now becoming afraid, and he was certain that his nature would become apparent once he was anxious.

Akaashi was awake and sat up when Bokuto closed the door, a bit louder than necessary.

"What's wrong?" Akaashi immediately asked.

Bokuto looked at the omega, then at the sleeping Kuroo, wondering how all three of them had fit in the bed together.

"Bokuto?" Akaashi asked and stood up.

Bokuto realised that he hadn't said anything and was still standing by the door. He looked at Akaashi, whose hair was messy from sleep and sex. Maybe he had made a mistake. Maybe it was a mistake to suddenly love the omega who had always been nothing more than a friend. No, his worst mistake had been thinking that he was above the nature and could become an alpha if he wished enough. He should have accepted the fact that to stay hidden he needed to suffer through a heat every six months. He shouldn't have lied to his parents who had been too trusting of him.

"What are you thinking about?" Akaashi asked.

He had walked over to Bokuto, standing there in his naked glory, reaching out a hand to touch Bokuto's burning cheek. The touch was soft and reassuring, and Bokuto allowed himself to nuzzle against it, to be vulnerable so visibly in front of another person. Yet he knew that he could only do it so easily because Kuroo was asleep.

"I forgot to wear my pheromone patches," he said quietly.

Akaashi lifted his free hand to Bokuto's other cheek.

"Did something happen?" Akaashi asked.

Bokuto sighed. The secret lay heavy on his heart, even though he had revealed it to two people.

Akaashi took a hold of his hands and pulled him to his bed, where they sat down, Kuroo continuing to snooze in his own bed. Bokuto was glad that this time it was Kuroo who was stuck with beddings smelling like sex.

"Tell me," Akaashi said.

"I just ran into someone," Bokuto said. "He thought I bonded with an omega."

“Well,” Akaashi said, squeezing his hands. “You did.”

Bokuto frowned. It was unusual for Akaashi to crack jokes at such a time, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

“Maybe you can stop wearing pheromone patches,” Akaashi continued. “Your bond with Kuroo is so strong you might pull off pretending it’s your scent.”

“But won’t people notice that Kuroo and I smell the same?” Bokuto asked.

Akaashi went quiet. He was biting his lip in thought, his hold of Bokuto’s hands loosening a bit.

“Well,” Akaashi said slowly. “It’s not like you smell exactly the same.”

“Similar enough,” Bokuto scoffed. “How do I explain being bonded to an alpha?”

“I don’t know,” Akaashi replied with a sigh. “This brings me to why I came here in the first place.”

“You mean you didn’t just come over to have sex?” Bokuto asked drily.

Akaashi gave him an exasperated look, a familiar look, and it made Bokuto feel better.

“I found a doctor who specialises in heat control,” Akaashi said. “I think you would benefit from his help.”

“You think I could go back on suppressants?” Bokuto asked.

He felt slightly guilty for having continued taking his old suppressants, but they couldn’t possibly harm him any more than they already had.

“I think he’s the right person to tell you that,” Akaashi said. “But it’s a private clinic.”

Bokuto lifted his brow in question.

“It costs a lot,” Akaashi clarified.

“Oh,” Bokuto said, blinking.

“Do you think your parents could give you money for it?” Akaashi asked.

Bokuto’s face heated up in embarrassment. He had always felt uneasy talking about his family’s wealth with his friends, especially when he knew that the others weren’t as fortunate as he was. Akaashi’s family was well off, but the omega didn’t rely on them as much as Bokuto relied on his family. It embarrassed him to admit that he would never have to worry about affording something, even an expensive visit to a clinic.

“That’s not a problem,” he said shortly.

Akaashi nodded.

“How much time do you need to ask them for money?” the omega then asked.

Bokuto bit his lip. He had hoped that Akaashi would be satisfied with the knowledge that the price wasn’t an issue. He cleared his throat and found himself pulling his hands away from Akaashi’s hold.

“I,” he said quietly, not facing the other omega. “I don’t need to ask.”

“Ah,” was the only response Akaashi gave.

Bokuto felt the need to explain his situation, but he didn’t know how. He thought about his parents who gave him free access to money, yet he had been lying to them ever since he decided to move into the dorms. He was a bad son, and a bad friend for never talking about his family to his friends.

“Are you embarrassed?” Akaashi asked suddenly.

Bokuto lifted his head up and looked at the omega whose eyes were searching his face.

“What?” he asked, voice unnaturally high.

“Your scent,” Akaashi said slowly. “I can feel it.”

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing to pop into Bokuto’s mind.

“Why?” Akaashi asked.

Bokuto’s face was burning and he felt tightness accumulating in his chest. It felt ridiculous, he was ridiculous getting so worked up over something so small.

“I already knew your family has money,” Akaashi said before Bokuto could get any further with his thoughts. “I figured they were giving you an allowance.”

Bokuto opened his mouth, but it took him a few tries to get his voice out.

“You don’t get as much,” he said.

“That doesn’t matter,” Akaashi replied. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured that out yet, Koutarou.”

The way his name sounded on Akaashi’s lips made him shiver with joy, and he found himself leaning forward.

“You’re too dense sometimes,” Akaashi said gently.

Bokuto couldn’t say anything to that before Akaashi’s lips were on his. The kiss was warm and soft. Akaashi tasted familiar, at it made Bokuto feel lighter.

“But at least you’re my dense boy,” Akaashi said between kisses.

Bokuto smiled. He still felt uneasy but knowing that Akaashi accepted him made him feel like one day he could be comfortable being completely himself around his boyfriends.

Akaashi pulled away too soon, and Bokuto whined in protest.

“I’m going to make an appointment with the doctor,” Akaashi said. “I’ll try to get one as soon as possible.”

Bokuto sighed but nodded.

“I will not drop this before you have seen a doctor, so don’t try to come up with any excuses, okay?” Akaashi added.

Bokuto nodded again.

“I know,” he said. “I’ll go.”

“That’s my good Koutarou,” Akaashi said with a fond smile.

They spent the rest of the evening kissing.

*

Akaashi managed to get an appointment for the following Wednesday, which was way too soon for Bokuto’s liking. He had gone back to wearing his pheromone patches and taking his suppressants just like before, and he was feeling fine. He wore his patches in his room too, even though Kuroo already knew his secret, but he was afraid of forgetting to put them back on if he needed to go out. He didn’t mind how his muted scent made Kuroo frown and complain, merely laughed and told the alpha to focus on studying.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Kuroo laughed at him, but dropped the subject.

It was Wednesday morning when Bokuto noticed that he couldn’t smell Kuroo as well as he had smelled him before. He wondered whether it was brought on by the suppressants or not having been physical with Kuroo in so many days. He didn’t know how scent bonds worked. Should they always be renewed to keep them strong, or were they a permanent thing that you could still feel even if you were apart for decades? He thought about doing some research on the matter but didn’t have time before the dorm guard came to get him.

Akaashi was waiting in the hall, and they left together, both of them quiet. Bokuto was full of nervous energy, fingers fidgeting and footsteps either too hurried or too slow. Akaashi could probably tell that he couldn’t focus on anything, so the omega kept quiet, but took a hold of his hand once they were off campus.

They had decided to keep their relationship quiet on campus to avoid difficult questions. It was perfectly fine for an alpha to have multiple omegas, but two alphas sharing one omega would undoubtedly raise eyebrows and would risk Bokuto’s secret. None of them had ever heard of a relationship between two alphas and one omega, and they didn’t know if it was possible for alphas to share. Akaashi said he had done some research and had found small communities, but most often they were gay alphas who dated omegas before realising that they only wanted to date alphas.

“I can’t have people thinking I’m gay,” Kuroo had said, although Bokuto hadn’t been certain if it was a joke or not.

He himself didn’t really like the idea of people thinking he was gay either. Two alphas together was still unusual enough to be considered a taboo, and he didn’t want to find out how it might affect his volleyball career. It might not be as devastating as people finding out he was omega, but he would prefer keeping up a flawless image of himself.

Yet, there was no escaping his true nature, and he felt that unusually intensely as he and Akaashi walked in to the clinic, holding hands.

“I have an appointment for Akaashi Keiji,” Akaashi told the receptionist.

Bokuto zoned out after that, holding onto Akaashi’s hands like it was the only thing keeping him alive. They were sitting on chairs in the waiting room, but he couldn’t remember what the room looked like. He could faintly smell Akaashi’s scent beside him, but it had lost its strength as well as Kuroo’s scent. Maybe he was doomed to be living at the edge of their relationship because of the way the suppressants were treating his body. He might never be able to fully immerse himself into the relationship while keeping up his façade.

He followed Akaashi to the doctor’s office and sat down on a chair, reluctantly letting go of Akaashi’s hand to allow the omega to sit down on a chair farther away. He realised that he was sitting in the patient’s chair and turned to look at Akaashi with wide eyes. He had thought that Akaashi would continue pretending to be the patient, but found the omega sitting on a chair by the door, smiling at him with encouragement. He was shaking now, unable to focus on the doctor who was asking him something.

He heard Akaashi’s voice but didn’t know what was said. Akaashi got up from his chair and pulled it closer, sat down next to him and took a hold of his hand again.

“He has issues with anxiety,” Akaashi said.

The doctor had sat down on his chair and was looking at him with appraising eyes. For the first time he noticed that the doctor was a woman, and somehow it made him feel easier.

“Is it a recent issue or a long-term issue?” the doctor asked.

Akaashi glanced at Bokuto, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak yet, only staring at Akaashi with pleading eyes.

“As far as I know, it’s long-term,” Akaashi said.

The doctor nodded, the lenses of her glasses catching a reflection of light.

“Did it start after you started taking suppressants?” she asked.

Akaashi turned to look at Bokuto, and he knew he had to pull himself together. It was important. This was a matter of his health.

“I don’t know,” he said, voice squeaking unusually.

“I think you should tell her the whole story,” Akaashi said and squeezed Bokuto’s hand.

Bokuto looked at him in horror, but Akaashi’s gentle smile was firm, forcing him to turn back to the doctor and start telling about his life as an omega with an uncertain voice. He couldn’t help tearing up, squeezed his eyes shut, however, couldn’t stop a few tears, but at least he eventually got to the end of his story. Akaashi stroked his arm. It was a warm touch, a calming touch, soothing the pain in him, and he started to calm down, lifted his head up to face the doctor.

He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but he was surprised by the look of understanding on the doctor’s face.

“You’re not the only omega who feels that way,” she said. “But I suppose you are the first one who has gone to such lengths to hide their nature. Am I right in assuming you’re not really Akaashi Keiji?”

“That’s my name,” Akaashi said.

The doctor nodded.

“I need your correct name to go with your information,” she said. “It’s strictly confidential, and no one will have access to your file except for our staff, and only when necessary.”

Bokuto was at the verge of tears again but nodded to Akaashi who asked him if he could give his right name to the doctor. After that she asked a series of questions about his previous suppressants, the exact length of taking them with and without breaks, any weird symptoms they might have caused, and then moved on to his pheromone patches.

“I need you to remove the patches,” she then said.

Bokuto froze. He hadn’t thought to bring extra patches with him. How could he go back to campus without his patches?

The doctor must have guessed what he was worried about, because she smiled.

“I will give you replacement patches,” she said. “I think it’s better for your glands to switch to a different type of patch after so many years.”

Bokuto’s hands were shaking so hard he couldn’t get the patches himself, so Akaashi helped him. The doctor moved to sit right in front of him.

“I’m going to rub your glands to test them,” she said.

Her fingers were cool against his hot neck, and he whimpered when she rubbed his glands, opening them up to fill the room with his scent.

“They seem to be fine,” she said, backed off, and wrote down something.

Bokuto noticed that Akaashi had leaned closer, nostrils flaring as he breathed in. He turned to glare at the omega who backed off with an apologetic smile.

“How can I resist?” he asked. “You never let me smell you.”

“I do,” Bokuto argued, although he hadn’t taken off his patches ever since Sunday.

The doctor turned to them again.

“I still need to run some tests,” she said. “I’ll send you to a nurse who will take care of that. Do you want a new appointment for when the results are ready or is a phone call sufficient?”

“A call is enough,” Bokuto immediately answered, although Akaashi poked his ribs in protest.

He didn’t want to risk being seen at an omega clinic twice in such a short time.

“Before we have the results, you must stop taking suppressants,” the doctor said, making Bokuto turn to her in desperation. “It’s important because we don’t know what kind of damage they might have caused you already.”

Bokuto wanted to argue, but Akaashi silenced him with one glance, so he simply bit his lip and nodded.

*

Bokuto put his phone down and lay on his bed. He was glad that he had stayed in his room for the doctor’s call, but he was even more glad that Kuroo wasn’t there to see him. He felt numb as he stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Maybe he hadn’t heard correctly. There must have been a mistake.

No, the only mistake was him being too stubborn to follow the instructions given to him back when he first started taking suppressants. He had known that taking them long-term might compromise his fertility to begin with, but taking them without break…

“I’m sorry to tell you that you’re infertile,” the doctor had said, voice sympathetic and warm.

He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes.

It was fine. Alphas couldn’t have babies either, so what did it matter?

Except there was a difference. While alphas couldn’t bear children, they were still a big part of making them. Virility was one important part of being an alpha, and fertility was an important, if not a vital, part of being an omega.

He was neither.

He wasn’t even a weak alpha or a weak omega, who could still have children, only found it harder to bond with a partner with their weak scent and sense of smell, making them almost completely immune to pheromones.

He was nothing.

He sniffled. He couldn’t stop crying now that it had started. He was supposed to go back to lectures, but how could he after such news?

“I prescribed new suppressants for you,” the doctor had said, “but you should only take them a week before your heat and stop on the last day of your heat. If you continue using them daily, it might affect your pheromone production and scent glands, eventually making your scent weaker and causing severe damage to your hormones and organs.”

It’s life-threatening, she had said.

He didn’t know how he could learn to live without the safety the suppressants had given him. Now he would have to track his heat, make sure he remembered it before it was too late, and he would have to start taking regular breaks. It wouldn’t be horrible with Kuroo around, but it might eventually raise suspicions.

Would it be so bad if he didn’t take breaks? He had already damaged his body, so what did it matter?

His phone rang, making him jump. He blinked tears out of his eyes and listened to his ringtone go on and on. He was willing the phone to stop ringing. He didn’t want to hear it. And eventually it was quiet again. Being startled had made him stop crying, but it didn’t stop him from feeling absolutely miserable. He had already been a low person for pretending to be alpha when he was not, but now he was nothing.

“It’s possible that your suppressants are still working against your body,” the doctor had said. “You’ll have to come for another check-up in two months.”

“What else could they have done?” he had asked, voice wavering.

“Your pheromone production is the most likely thing,” she had replied. “Other than that, your hormones could have been affected.”

“Am I going to lose my scent?” he had asked quietly.

“It’s possible,” came the direct answer. “It takes time to make sure.”

If he lost his scent, Kuroo and Akaashi wouldn’t want him anymore. Or maybe Kuroo would, since the alpha had told him that he had gone through a phase of confusion after noticing Bokuto’s scent that made Kuroo look at him differently for a while before shrugging it off. But Akaashi wouldn’t be attracted to him any longer, and Kuroo was much more interested in Akaashi. Kuroo had been pining for Akaashi, had been yearning for a relationship with the omega for years, and now that he finally had it, there was no way he would push it aside for Bokuto.

He couldn’t even give Kuroo children.

He frowned and closed his eyes. Of course, he had never thought about having children. He had always focused on volleyball, building a career, and had never stopped to think about forming a family with someone. If anything, maybe he had wistfully thought of having an omega by his side, somehow miraculously he would turn alpha if he was seeing an omega. And he would not be the one carrying a child, he would be the one by his omega’s side.

The thought of him being pregnant was strange and slightly creepy.

There was a knock on the door, and Bokuto froze. There was another knock soon.

“Is anybody in?” the guard asked, knocked again, and then left.

Bokuto just knew it was Akaashi asking for him. He couldn’t face Akaashi like this. Which meant that he could never face Akaashi again. And Kuroo… He would have to live in the same room with Kuroo, but maybe he could find a way to distance himself from the alpha. He could somehow build walls around him and eventually Kuroo would give up on him. He could start looking for an apartment out of campus so Kuroo would be free. Maybe he could ask Kenma to house him until he found somewhere else to live. That way he could leave immediately. He could leave while Kuroo was still out.

Yet he made no move to get up. He rolled closer to the wall, lying half on his belly. His infertile belly. He would never have a baby with anyone in any way, and it was all his own fault.

Maybe this was better. He wouldn’t have to worry about birth control to hide his true nature. Sure, it had now become impossible for him to find a mate and he would end up being alone for the rest of his life, but at least he wouldn’t accidentally get knocked up and have to publicly admit to the lies he had told throughout his life.

He was startled awake, although he hadn’t noticed falling asleep. He had no idea what time it was. He had his arms wrapped around his body, as if it would shield him from everything bad in the world. Yet the worst thing in his world was inside him, inside his body, his infertility, his pheromones getting weaker until he would be nothing. He would be an empty vessel, and no one would want him.

The worst thought was losing both Kuroo and Akaashi’s love. He had now experienced the kind of acceptance he had always yearned for, but it had lasted for mere days. It had hardly been a week since the fateful day when the suppressants stopped working and his body decided to fight their effects. In that one week he had felt Kuroo inside him, holding him like he had dreamed. Kuroo the alpha, the only alpha he had ever wanted so badly it hurt.

Then there was Akaashi, who had shown him the affection only omegas knew how to show. Akaashi had made him feel powerful yet loved, just like he had always wanted to feel, him being the alpha. The alpha he always wanted to be.

He heard the key in the lock, and the door opened before he had a chance to try to hide. He would have at least appreciated having a blanket over him. He felt exposed and naked, insignificant, and he heard Akaashi’s voice behind Kuroo.

“There you are,” Akaashi said.

There was shuffling and footsteps, two pairs of feet in the room, and he wanted to be alone. He should have left when he still had a chance. He was sure that Kenma would have helped him. Kenma was probably the only person who could understand him if he really was losing his scent.

“Why didn’t you open the door when I visited?” Akaashi asked. “Kuroo says you weren’t at the lecture.”

Akaashi’s voice was laced with worry but wasn’t dark yet. It was light, it was Akaashi’s light shining over him and he should have felt warm.

“You know,” Kuroo said, a thud when he put his bag down, “over the past week I’ve had to see you sulking in bed like that way too many times.”

He had caused so much trouble with his selfish lies. He didn’t deserve the friendship of the two kindest people in the world, who had stood by his side all these years with his mood drops. They deserved something better, and he couldn’t give it to them.

“Koutarou?” Akaashi asked, voice still some distance away.

“Hey?” Kuroo asked, and to his horror Bokuto felt the alpha sit down behind him. “Are you really sad about something?”

He closed his eyes. Maybe, if he wished hard enough, they would go away and leave him alone. Like he deserved to be.

“Did the doctor call you?” Akaashi asked, and his steps were moving closer.

He bit his lip to stop crying. He should stay quiet. Kuroo and Akaashi would try for a while but would eventually leave him be. They would get bored of his silence and go away.

“Did you get bad news?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto felt warmth over his back. Kuroo must have leaned over him. He wished that he could hide his face without having to move. He should stay perfectly still. If he pretended he wasn’t there, maybe he would not be.

“Koutarou?” Kuroo asked, voice above Bokuto, way too close, too close. “Have you been crying?”

Akaashi gasped, and Bokuto felt the bed shift as the omega climbed in.

“What’s the matter?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto knew that Kuroo could see his face, but maybe if he kept his eyes shut it would all go away. He jumped when he felt a hand over his cheek. They were Kuroo’s rough fingers, brushing softly over his skin, and he bitterly thought of how happy it made him feel when Kuroo touched him like that. Like he mattered. Tears were trying to make their way past his closed eyelids, but he wouldn’t let them.

“What did she say?” Akaashi asked and placed a hand on Bokuto’s thigh.

They were quiet again, waiting for him to answer, but he would not, he would wait them to leave him be. Maybe the suppressants would turn his body into ash and he would never have to move again.

“You need to tell us,” Kuroo tried to coax him, still stroking his cheek. “Is it something serious?”

“You can tell us,” Akaashi said. “Or do you want to tell only one of us first? Do you want to tell Kuroo?”

He did kind of like the idea of only telling one of them but putting it into words when someone else could hear would make it much more real, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it.

“Do you want to tell Akaashi?” Kuroo asked, leaning closer, resting his chin on Bokuto’s arm.

“You can whisper,” Akaashi said. “That makes it easier, doesn’t it?”

“Maybe you could write it down?” Kuroo suggested.

That was the worst suggestion. Not only would it make it permanent, but Bokuto wasn’t entirely sure how to spell “infertile”.

“Please talk to us,” Kuroo said, rubbing his cheek against Bokuto’s shoulder. “We’re worried.”

Akaashi was stroking his leg. He felt loved and cared for, but the problem was that he didn’t deserve that affection. He had ruined himself for everyone.

“Fine,” Kuroo said and straightened up.

Finally, finally they would go and leave him be. They would quickly notice that it was much easier to not try to date him.

But his thoughts were interrupted by Kuroo climbing over him and squeezing between him and the wall.

“If you’re not talking, I’ll just stay here,” Kuroo said, already wrapping arms around Bokuto. “Can’t be helped.”

Bokuto was so surprised he finally opened his eyes to look at Kuroo, whose face was almost too close.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking,” Kuroo said. “But whatever it is, I know you need support.”

“He’s right, Koutarou,” Akaashi said, squeezed Bokuto’s thigh, and then lay down on the bed. “We’ll stay here until you want to talk to us again.”

Bokuto’s lip was trembling, and he quickly bit it to keep it still. Kuroo leaned in and pressed a wet kiss against the tip of his nose.

“Remember when I told you it’s fine to show us your emotions?” Kuroo asked.

Akaashi had settled behind Bokuto’s back and was now resting his arm over his hip. Bokuto could feel the omega’s breaths against his nape. Kuroo leaned in and kissed his cheek, the warm kiss leaving behind a wet spot that cooled down too quickly.

“Did she prescribe new suppressants?” Akaashi asked. “I’ll go buy them for you.”

“Yeah,” Bokuto said quietly, voice nearly drowned out by his own breathing.

“That’s good,” Kuroo said and stroked his hair. “You can stop worrying about your heats.”

“Is it fine to start taking them already?” Akaashi asked.

Bokuto thought. He could easily lie. They would never find out. He could lie and start taking his suppressants and pretend that his body was fine. He could continue pretending for as long as it didn’t affect his volleyball career, and pheromones or balanced hormones were not necessary to play. He could ask Akaashi to go get the suppressants immediately, start taking them now and not stop before they stopped working on their own. Surely it wouldn’t kill him?

He looked into Kuroo’s eyes and suddenly felt the weight of each lie he had told the alpha. They had known each other for almost six years, yet in that time he had lied so much it was surprising that Kuroo could still believe a word he said.

“I should,” he started to say, then paused to stop his voice from breaking. “I should first…”

It was hard to keep his composure, when Kuroo’s eyes were so full of care, so loving, so warm and looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. He looked down to Kuroo’s chest.

“I should let the next heat come naturally,” he managed to get out, voice only cracking at the end.

“Okay,” Kuroo said. “I’ll be there for you. I’ll be right here next to you.”

“I’ll help too,” Akaashi said, “unless you feel more comfortable with Kuroo alone.”

“You don’t have to be alone,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto allowed himself to relax just a bit, and he leaned forward to press his face into the crook of Kuroo’s neck. Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe Kuroo wouldn’t immediately push him away if he told them. Maybe Akaashi wouldn’t roll over so fast he fell off the bed.

“I,” he started, but didn’t continue.

He heard how Kuroo and Akaashi got very still, waiting for him to continue what he had started. He didn’t want to, but wouldn’t it be better to get it out in the open sooner rather than later? He was staring at the darkness against Kuroo’s skin, the shadow of his own head blurring the lines. He was the dark cloud in their bright sky.

“I can’t have children,” he whispered into the empty space between him and Kuroo.

He was breathing loudly and couldn’t hear how the others reacted, if at all. He wasn’t sure how loudly he had spoken.

“What?” Kuroo asked, but Bokuto couldn’t decipher his voice. “Did you say something about children? Are you pregnant?”

The last question came with a voice of panic. Bokuto hoped that once the reality of his condition became apparent to Kuroo, the alpha would be so relieved he would forget to… Bokuto didn’t know how he thought Kuroo would react. He feared rejection, but he was also relatively certain that Kuroo wouldn’t immediately reject him. It would come with time. With understanding of how much more easier life would be with Akaashi alone.

“That’s not what he said,” Akaashi responded immediately, and Bokuto heard his swat at Kuroo’s arm. “What _did_ you say, Koutarou?”

Bokuto shook his head. He could not repeat his words.

“If you’re not pregnant,” Kuroo said, “then what is it?”

He felt like he was suddenly shrinking between his two boyfriends. He hugged himself tighter.

“It’s the exact opposite of that,” he forced out, slightly louder this time.

“What’s the opposite of pregnancy?” Kuroo asked, and if Bokuto wasn’t feeling so miserable, he might have laughed at how confused Kuroo was being. “No pregnancy? But that’s nothing to be sad about, is it?”

“Kuroo!” Akaashi snapped, this time slapping Kuroo harder. “How can you joke about this?”

“I’m not trying to joke!” Kuroo said, clearly exasperated.

Bokuto had to admit that his lips did turn into a smile. Usually he was the one not understanding hints, usually Kuroo was so sharp he could tell what was going on before anybody told him, but now… He loved Kuroo so much, his heart swelled as he listened to Kuroo’s confusion, and he wanted to hug the alpha, just hug him and stay there. But his arms were wrapped around his own body, pressed against his chest by Kuroo’s body, and he didn’t want to move, didn’t want to stir the way they were all together, because he was afraid that with the slightest disturbance both Kuroo and Akaashi would leave.

“Koutarou,” Akaashi said softly. “Do you mean that you’re… that you’re infertile?”

Hearing the word from Akaashi’s mouth was too much. Before Bokuto cold even nod, he had broken down, sobbing loudly and body shivering.

“Fuck,” he heard Kuroo say before the alpha’s arms pulled him closer, closer, so close his own arms ached.

“I’m sorry, Koutarou,” Akaashi said and shifted closer as well.

Bokuto didn’t know if he wanted to hear them say they’re sorry. He didn’t want pity, he didn’t want to make them sad, yet he had already done it. He just wanted to be back to normal, he wanted to continue pretending to be alpha, or even better, he wanted to _be_ alpha like he should have been in the first place.

“It’s okay,” Kuroo said.

Except it wasn’t. And they didn’t know what else the doctor had told him. They didn’t know that eventually he would turn into a sexless creature and they would slowly stop wanting him. His scent would fade away from their scents and their bond would be broken.

That’s when he felt the pull from Akaashi, proof of their bond, and it was filling him with warmth, slowly calming him down. It was joined by the pull from Kuroo, this bond equally comforting, somehow stronger. He felt like he had been wrapped into a protecting cocoon, he felt so loved it confused him, the amount of it unimaginable to him. He started to realise that he had stopped crying, didn’t feel the need to cry anymore. Was this the power of bonding? He had never imagined what it was like to be bonded to someone, had never asked anyone to explain it, but he liked the way the bonds he had with Kuroo and Akaashi were tugging him, reminding him of their presence. He felt how sorry both of his mates felt for him, but also how much they cared for him, loved him, how that hadn’t changed.

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” Kuroo said, and Bokuto heard Akaashi’s angry swat at his arm. “No, I’m not trying to be rude, I just don’t get it. You never wanted to be omega in the first place, so you weren’t exactly planning on having children, were you? So what does it matter?”

“How can you be so insensitive!” Akaashi chastised the alpha, but Bokuto found himself smiling.

Even after so many years he had found a similarity between himself and Kuroo.

“I don’t know,” he said, still hiding behind Kuroo’s chest. “I never thought about what I want after I’m too old to play.”

“And that’s fine,” Akaashi hurried to say before Kuroo had a chance to talk. “You still have many years before that happens.”

“But it means that I’m no longer…” he tried to find the courage to say it like it was but putting it into words meant that it would become more real. “I might lose my scent.”

“What? Really?” Kuroo asked, sounding more alert now.

“Why would he say it if it wasn’t true,” Akaashi snapped, but rather than swatting Kuroo again he stroked Bokuto’s arm. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, Koutarou. I’m sure we would have noticed it by now.”

“How would you have?” Bokuto asked. “You could never smell me because of my patches.”

Akaashi didn’t say anything, and even Kuroo was quiet.

“You wouldn’t know if it’s gotten weaker,” Bokuto added.

The silence surrounding the three of them was awkward, but Bokuto felt good. The bonds were keeping him calm. He was safe. He felt Akaashi’s dry lips on his nape and smiled the tiniest smile.

“I think your scent is just as strong as scents usually are,” Akaashi finally said. “Did she say something about when you might start noticing if your scent is getting weaker?”

“She told me to go back in two months,” Bokuto said. “Then she can tell if the suppressants have stopped messing with my body.”

Akaashi was slowly stroking his side and breathing against his neck. He felt like he was wrapped in the most comfortable blanket, the soft touch of their bonds warming him. Then he noticed something sharp and painful in Kuroo’s side, so he finally pulled back enough to raise his head and see the alpha’s face. He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to look, however, because he found Kuroo’s cheeks wet with silent tears, snot running from his nose, which explained why there had been no sniffling to alert the two omegas.

“Kuroo,” he said quietly, and the way Kuroo turned to look at him was almost scared.

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo whispered.

“Why?” Bokuto asked.

He shifted up on the bed, so he was face to face with the alpha, who was still crying. Carefully he wiped away a tear from Kuroo’s right eye with his thumb, combed his fingers through the alpha’s silly fringe to push it out of his face. Kuroo closed his eyes, lashes heavy with tears, then looked at him again and swallowed.

“Tetsurou,” he said quietly and kissed the alpha’s trembling lips.

“I just wish I had known,” Kuroo said, his voice now alerting Akaashi to his emotions. “I wish I could help you. I want to do something. I wish you had told me, so I could have helped you all these years rather than let you suffer on your own.”

“But you didn’t know,” Bokuto said.

“But I wish I had,” Kuroo insisted. “I hate seeing you hurt so much. And I hate that there’s nothing I can do to make it any better. And I hate how I’m making this about me when it should be about you.”

Bokuto smiled and gave Kuroo a quick kiss again.

“You’re not,” he said. “I… I understand what you mean. I can feel it.”

“I can feel your sadness too,” Kuroo said. “Who would have thought that bonds could cause so much pain, huh.”

“Yeah,” Bokuto said.

He lifted a hand to Kuroo’s cheek and stroked the wet skin with his fingertips. Kuroo was starting to calm down, and Bokuto wondered if he had done something to help that, had accidentally used their bond to help Kuroo. He tried focusing on the pull he felt between them, tried to tug on it gently, and he could feel how Kuroo felt it too. He wondered what else they could do with this bond between them. He found himself wanting to know how deep a bond could run, how much it could bind them together.

“At least you won’t be accidentally knocked up,” Kuroo said, voice still wet and heavy.

Bokuto snorted. Akaashi sighed but didn’t reprimand Kuroo.

“At least you still love me,” Bokuto said quietly, then realised what word he had used, and snapped his mouth shut, biting his lower lip.

“Yeah,” Kuroo said. “I still love you.”

“I love you too, Koutarou,” Akaashi said from behind. “Together we’ll get through this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing this fic for quite a while now, but wanted to keep from posting before I'm closer to the end. And I guess I'm close enough to not take forever to finish hahaha
> 
> The title is so damn predictable and unimaginative, my apologies.
> 
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	2. Kuroo

The past months had been difficult and emotionally draining, but Kuroo was glad that he had been able to help Bokuto at least in little ways. He had been practising how to use their bond to help the omega calm down. He still didn’t know exactly how to use it, but at least he was getting better at connecting with Bokuto. It still amazed him how accurately he could sometimes tell what Bokuto was feeling or thinking about, all because of their bond. He also found himself wondering if Akaashi and Bokuto’s bond worked exactly the same, and if he would have the same closeness with Akaashi after bonding. He didn’t know what happened when an alpha bonded with two different omegas, a part of him afraid that it wasn’t possible at all, but he did his best to push the thought away to better focus on helping Bokuto.

He had insisted on accompanying Bokuto and Akaashi to the clinic on the second visit, had, in fact, pretty much forced Bokuto to take him with them, because Bokuto was afraid of being seen going to an omega clinic with an alpha and an omega. But he needed to know first-hand, he needed to see that Bokuto wasn’t slowly dying to calm the nervous beat his heart sometimes got when he woke up at night and heard Bokuto sobbing quietly.

The doctor had been calm, had rubbed over Bokuto’s scent glands and noted that they seemed to be working fine but they’d have to run tests to make sure. Kuroo had been there when Bokuto got the results over the phone, had pulled Bokuto tightly against him when the call was over and Bokuto broke down.

“Your scent glands aren’t working as well as they did the last time,” the doctor had said over the speaker. “I would highly recommend you stop wearing pheromone patches when it’s not absolutely necessary.”

Kuroo hadn’t really understood everything the doctor had said, but it was enough to know that it was serious and Bokuto seemed to have a small hormone imbalance that might or might not be getting worse. She gave Bokuto a new appointment for two weeks later, and Kuroo had immediately texted Akaashi to let him know.

Bokuto spent a few days lying in bed, hardly saying a word. Kuroo continued practicing how to use their bond to help him calm down, but apparently Bokuto had also learned how to block some of the attempts with silent despair. He could do nothing but back away, let Bokuto be alone for a while, then return with more love than before. During those times he sought out Akaashi, who by now knew to expect his feelings of insignificance and insecurity. What kind of an alpha couldn’t help their omega heal? What was he doing so wrong, would he ever be able to help Bokuto in any way?

Akaashi couldn’t answer his questions, but simply letting them out helped him breathe a bit more freely. They had taken to sitting at the same park where they had sat when Kuroo had finally confessed his feelings to Akaashi, and they felt like the park was always kind to them. Sometimes Akaashi cupped his face and kissed him, sometimes he leaned his head on Akaashi’s shoulder, eyes closed as he listened to the trees respond to the winds. Sometimes they held hands and watched other people without a word exchanged between them.

Sometimes Kuroo took Akaashi back with him to the dormitory, then left the two omegas to cuddle alone. He hoped that Akaashi could reach a part of Bokuto he wasn’t allowed to touch.

Bokuto didn’t allow Kuroo to come along to his next appointment, so Kuroo stayed in bed, pouting. He was acting childish, he knew why Bokuto wanted to be careful, but he couldn’t help feeling useless. He knew that there were different sides to Bokuto, and he knew that he wasn’t allowed to see all of them. He had seen hints of them, but Bokuto made sure to shut him out before he could get a good look. He had tried reasoning with Bokuto, reminding him of all the times he had already cried in front of him, how he already knew that Bokuto was emotional and especially fragile right now that he was going through such a difficult time, but Bokuto kept denying ever having shown him a weakness, as Bokuto called it.

Kuroo sighed and turned to lie on his back. Bokuto was working his hardest to keep up an image of a traditional alpha: manly, strong, undefeatable, and crying or wanting to cuddle were not a part of that image. He could see why Bokuto would feel uncomfortable showing signs of anything that might be seen as weakness around him, but it hurt. It hurt to know that Bokuto didn’t trust him.

Kuroo felt tears prickling his eyes and blinked hard. He wasn’t allowed to cry. He wasn’t allowed to be sad, because Bokuto needed him. He would stay strong for Bokuto.

When Bokuto returned, Kuroo had gotten up and was doing his best to focus on his studies. He turned to look at Bokuto, who avoided his gaze and flopped into bed.

“Bokuto,” Kuroo said and stood up. “How did it go?”

There was no answer. Bokuto lay with his face against the pillow.

“What did she say?” Kuroo tried again.

Bokuto wouldn’t talk. Kuroo bit his lip.

“Do you want to be alone?” he asked.

There was no reaction. Bokuto looked completely lifeless on the bed, and it sent shivers down Kuroo’s back. He could only faintly see Bokuto’s back rising and falling as he breathed.

“Are you okay?” he tried, not surprised when Bokuto remained quiet.

Kuroo sighed and went for his phone, sending Akaashi a message.

_He won’t talk. What happened?_

He didn’t have to wait long for Akaashi to appear online and start writing. He was biting his lips together, anxiously waiting for Akaashi’s message that just wouldn’t come. Akaashi kept writing, writing, writing, seconds dragged into minutes, and Kuroo was now shaking his leg, keeping his phone’s screen from going dark.

_She couldn’t say for sure, but it seems that the scent glands are working even less this time. Tests will confirm. But I could smell it too. His scent has gotten scary weak. She says that if the tests confirm – and they most likely will, he should stop wearing pheromone patches completely and seriously consider not taking the suppressants_

Kuroo’s breath hitched as he read the message over and over again. He felt like his brain was working in slow motion, each word taking forever to sink in, and when it did, it seemed to push a previous word out. He swallowed around the lump that had risen to his throat and sent Akaashi the only word he could get out of his head.

_fuck_

His hands were shaking, he noticed, and he was still shaking his leg, now a bit more frantically.

_I know. I’m scared for him. Don’t tell him_

Kuroo put his phone down. If Akaashi was scared, it was worse than he had imagined. If Akaashi was scared, it was worse than he had been able to understand. He stood up, then sent Akaashi one more message.

_won’t_

He looked over at Bokuto who was still lying on his stomach. He had no idea how Bokuto could even breathe like that. He wondered if Bokuto was crying. He wondered how Bokuto was not suffocating if he was crying.

“Bokuto?” he tried but got no reaction. “You know it’s okay to cry in front of me.”

“You don’t cry in front of me,” Bokuto said, his voice mumbled by the pillow.

Kuroo stepped closer.

“I did just cry in front of you!” he said.

“It was three months ago,” Bokuto said.

It was impossible to tell the tone of his voice, but it didn’t really matter. Kuroo knew Bokuto was right. He rarely got emotional enough to cry, and if he did, it was even rarer he did so in front of Bokuto. It had always been because of how badly he wanted to keep Bokuto seeing him as a strong alpha, he couldn’t lose to Bokuto in being an alpha, and he had always felt that. He wondered if Bokuto felt similarly, and if he could ever let go in front of Bokuto and not fear that he would appear weak in front of competition.

“I,” Kuroo said and bit his lip. “It’s because I still see you as alpha.”

Bokuto didn’t say anything. A small part of Kuroo had hoped that Bokuto might be pleased with his confession, but it didn’t seem to have any effect.

“What do you want, Bokuto?” he asked instead.

He got no reply.

“Do you want to know what I want?” he asked then.

There was no response.

“I’ll tell you,” he said. “I want you to talk to me. I want you to make me feel like I matter to you just as much as Keiji does.”

Bokuto didn’t move. Kuroo didn’t know what to do.

“You call him Keiji,” Bokuto said then, catching Kuroo off guard in more than one way. “You’re not even bonded to him, yet you call him Keiji.”

“I’m… sorry?” Kuroo responded, trying to quickly think of why Bokuto was bringing this up.

“You’re bonded to me,” Bokuto said, voice even more muffled by the pillow now, “but you call me Bokuto. Do I disgust you so much? Why do you feel the need to keep such distance to me? If you don’t want me, why do you keep pretending?”

Bokuto continued talking, but he was now mumbling so quietly Kuroo couldn’t make out the words.

“I don’t want to get too used to calling you Koutarou,” Kuroo said, interrupting Bokuto’s sad ramble. “I don’t want to accidentally slip up in public. It would look odd.”

“But you don’t mind slipping up with Akaashi’s name,” Bokuto said. “You want everyone to know you’re courting?”

“Well,” Kuroo said, at a loss. “I don’t… Does it matter?”

“He’s bonded to me,” Bokuto said.

“Do you want to be his visible boyfriend?” Kuroo asked. “It’s fine, you can do it. You can go around holding hands and all.”

“No, we can’t,” Bokuto said. “You keep kissing him in public. People already know you two are an item. Akaashi would look like he’s two-timing us.”

Kuroo opened his mouth to retort, when Bokuto’s words suddenly sank in.

“Wait,” he said. “What do you mean I’ve been kissing him in public?”

“I heard about it,” Bokuto said. “Maybe I’m stupid with school, but I’m not an idiot in general.”

Kuroo bit his lip so hard it hurt.

“I never implied you were,” he said. “Besides, what does that have to do with anything? You can’t tell me I’m keeping you away when you’re the one doing everything you can to keep our bond from… you’re… you’re pushing me away.”

“I don’t want you to manipulate me,” Bokuto said. “You can just tell me the truth and leave.”

“What truth?” Kuroo asked, too loud, and took a step towards Bokuto’s bed. “What truth are you talking about?”

Bokuto was quiet again.

“What do you want to hear?” Kuroo asked, stepping closer, now almost right next to Bokuto’s bed. “Tell me what you want to hear, and I’ll say it.”

Bokuto didn’t say anything. Kuroo tried to reach out with their bond, but immediately ran into an obstacle. It felt like an iron wall surrounding Bokuto, and no matter how he knocked, all he got in return was a hollow echo.

“Why are you doing this?” Kuroo asked quietly. “Why won’t you accept me?”

The silence was getting on Kuroo’s nerves. It was slowly crushing him. He tried to reach out to Bokuto with their bond again, being blocked by the same wall. The lump in his throat was back, now bigger, more bitter, and he couldn’t swallow it down again. He watched Bokuto lie in bed and felt like they had never been so far away from each other.

“We were closer before I found out,” he whispered. “We were closer when I didn’t know you’re omega. We were more to each other when we weren’t bonded.”

He didn’t know if Bokuto could hear him. He wasn’t sure how loud his whisper had been, his voice drowned out by the hum of blood in his ears. He felt a crack inside himself, something he had never experienced before, and he took one more step forward before slumping next to Bokuto’s bed, on his knees, arms resting on the bed right next to Bokuto’s warm side, and he slowly lowered his head to rest over his arms.

His tears were silent at first, but he couldn’t hold the sobs in much longer. His body jerked with each sob, voice getting louder, and he found himself crying in earnest, kneeled before Bokuto’s unmoving body, before Bokuto’s impenetrable walls, and he had never felt so lost and alone.

He couldn’t hear anything from his cries, so he jumped back when suddenly there was a hand in his hair. He looked up, vision blurred by tears so badly he could hardly make out the outline of Bokuto. He couldn’t stop sobbing, tears and snot running down his face as he tried to make out the look on Bokuto’s face, failing. Bokuto’s hand was in his hair, fingertips massaging his scalp, and he leaned to the touch, trying to blink the tears away. He felt something opening, and that’s when he felt Bokuto reach out to him with their bond for the first time in weeks. It surprised him so much he stopped sobbing, heart filling with warmth, and after a few more blinks he could finally see the look of worry on Bokuto’s face.

“Why are you in so much pain?” Bokuto asked quietly.

Kuroo opened his mouth but could only let out a whimper. Bokuto continued stroking his hair.

“Why do _you_ suffer?” Bokuto asked.

There was a small frown on his face, and Kuroo wanted to kiss it away. He wanted to reach out to Bokuto now that Bokuto was letting him, but he couldn’t move, shoulders still occasionally shaking.

“Why won’t you accept my love?” Kuroo managed to blubber.

Bokuto cocked his head, hand drawing slow patterns in Kuroo’s hair.

“You didn’t even want me,” Bokuto said slowly, too quietly for him.

Kuroo looked up at Bokuto.

“I always loved you as a friend,” Kuroo said, his voice calming just a bit more. “I always loved you, Koutarou.”

Bokuto looked thoughtful and bit his lip, fingertips dancing over Kuroo’s scalp once more before he withdrew his hand.

“What do you want me to do?” Kuroo asked, a desperate note creeping into his voice. “I’ll do anything. I’m already kneeled before you, Koutarou. Do you want me to bow down and beg? I will.”

Bokuto was frowning again. Kuroo missed his hand on his head.

“Please,” he added, when Bokuto remained quiet. “Let me love you, Koutarou.”

Bokuto was watching his face as he spoke.

“Please,” Kuroo whimpered and lowered his head.

He didn’t know what he could do to make Bokuto believe him. He wondered if it was impossible for them to ever work out as a couple in the end. Maybe their bond would eventually break, maybe it would leave him feeling hollow for the rest of his life. He may have never thought of Bokuto as a mate before they had bonded, but during the past months his feelings of friendship had grown into intense love, and he couldn’t imagine life without Bokuto.

“Wouldn’t you be happier with a cuter omega?” Bokuto asked. “You… If you still see me as alpha, then wouldn’t you… You don’t want to be with an alpha.”

Kuroo looked up at Bokuto, whose cheeks were burning red.

“I don’t care about any of that,” he said. “I want you. I don’t care what anyone says, I just want to be with you.”

“But Akaashi,” Bokuto started to say, but Kuroo cut him off.

“Akaashi is different than you,” he said. “I… The way I feel about Akaashi is different in some way. I don’t know how to explain it. But you’re… You’re Bokuto. You’re my best friend. You’re… In a way I feel like you’re everything.”

“But Akaashi would be much more suitable for you,” Bokuto said.

Kuroo reached out to take a hold of Bokuto’s hand.

“You are perfectly suitable for me,” he said. “I want you. And I want Akaashi. And I know you want him too. And he wants you. We both just want you, Koutarou. We want you to be happy and feel comfortable around us.”

Bokuto looked at him long and hard, but Kuroo refused to look away. Their eyes locked for a moment, then for a moment longer. Finally, Bokuto looked away.

“I’m useless as both alpha and omega,” Bokuto said.

“That’s not true,” Kuroo said immediately. “You’re perfect. You’re the perfect alpha and you’re the perfect omega. You’re perfect for me, and for Akaashi.”

Kuroo squeezed the hand he was still holding. Bokuto looked down at the way their fingers were laced together.

“Isn’t it too hard?” Bokuto asked. “We can never go public with our relationship.”

“I don’t care,” Kuroo said. “I will go public if you want. I will continue to hide it for the rest of my life if you want. I just want to be with you.”

“My glands are getting weaker, Tetsurou,” Bokuto said quietly. “Maybe I will lose my scent.”

Kuroo pushed himself up and sat down next to Bokuto. He let go of Bokuto’s hand and cupped Bokuto’s face with both his hands.

“How do you feel about it?” he asked.

Bokuto wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“You’ll stop wanting me when my scent is gone,” Bokuto whispered.

“Is it certainly going to fade completely?” Kuroo asked. “What did the doctor say?”

“She says,” Bokuto started, then took a deep breath to calm his voice. “She says I should stop wearing the pheromone patches.”

Bokuto turned his eyes to look at Kuroo.

“I’m scared,” Bokuto whispered.

Kuroo leaned in and kissed Bokuto softly.

“It’s okay,” Kuroo said. “We will work this out together.”

*

It was a cold day when he finally took Akaashi on an official date. It had been several months since his initial confession, and a part of him wanted to be bitter to Bokuto for messing up his chances of being alone with Akaashi like this. A bigger part of him understood that he had given up on pursuing Akaashi the moment he had decided to mate with Bokuto during his heat. It was a miracle that Akaashi still wanted him at all. In fact, throughout the months they had spent together with Bokuto he had started to believe Akaashi’s theory of all three of them being fated mates much more than he had before.

As much as Kuroo had enjoyed the three of them cuddling and having sex, he was relieved to finally be headed to the restaurant where they were going to eat, just the two of them for the first time in months. As much as Akaashi poked fun at him, he was traditional when it came to courting, and it killed him every time he reminded himself that he hadn’t taken Akaashi out properly before jumping to bed with him – although he could keep arguing that he hadn’t _really_ had sex with Akaashi, since he had only ever fucked Bokuto when all three of them got together.

Kuroo shook his head to focus on the date. Sex would come later. They were going to eat, then take a walk, and Kuroo had bought a small bouquet of flowers for Akaashi. He couldn’t remember the name of the flowers, but they were a pretty shade of powder pink that somehow reminded him of Akaashi. Roses had seemed too cheesy. He hoped that Akaashi would like the flowers and would not have knowledge of flower meanings. He didn’t want to accidentally give flowers that meant something horrible.

They met by the restaurant to avoid being seen at campus. Akaashi looked stunning, as if he was shining, as if this was the first time Kuroo could see him properly. His hand was shaking when he presented the flowers to Akaashi, who took them with a kind smile.

“They’re lovely,” Akaashi said, and Kuroo swallowed nervously. “Thank you.”

The smile Akaashi aimed at Kuroo was blinding, and Kuroo felt like his knees might give. Akaashi took his hand, and the world shifted back to normal. Kuroo’s nerves were gone, the annoying grovel in his tummy disappeared, and he remembered that he had spent a lot of time with Akaashi before, a date was nothing unusual.

Akaashi was blindingly beautiful and every smile he aimed at Kuroo melted the alpha’s body. They shared heavy glances, fingers grazing against fingers, Akaashi’s foot rested against Kuroo’s calf. It was exhilarating to finally be out together, on a proper date, to be allowed to flirt and steal glances when Akaashi looked the other way. On their way out Kuroo slid his fingers over Akaashi’s hand, up his arm, and Akaashi turned to look at him with sparkling eyes.

They hadn’t planned on it, but they found themselves entering the alpha dormitory, Akaashi quickly scribbling down his name and Kuroo’s room number. The guard gave them a pointed look but didn’t comment and Kuroo was sure that even a beta like him could smell the heavy air between them. They walked side by side, fingers searching for each other and hands bumping together but not taking a hold. They had agreed to stay as discreet as possible, but there was a need for contact, any contact. Kuroo’s hand shook as he unlocked the door.

The room was dark.

“Where’s Bokuto?” Akaashi asked.

“I don’t know,” Kuroo said and closed the door behind them. “Maybe he’s out with friends.”

“Are all of Bokuto’s friends alphas?” Akaashi asked.

“I’m,” Kuroo started, then thought for a moment. “I’m not sure.”

Akaashi nodded, already distracted from the conversation, eyes on Kuroo’s bed and the neat bedding.

“Hey,” Kuroo said and touched Akaashi’s shoulder.

Akaashi turned, and their lips crashed together. Kuroo was quite certain he was the one to initiate it, but couldn’t tell for sure, their limbs already a tangle, Akaashi’s fingers in his hair and on his back, on the skin of his neck, and he tasted the remnants of Akaashi’s dessert in the omega’s mouth. It wasn’t the kind of kiss he would have preferred, there was nothing gentlemanly about it, it was sloppy and wet and their teeth clicked together, but there was a burn inside him that needed to be put out, and the only way to do that was to touch Akaashi, kiss him and drink in the quiet gasps the omega let out.

They stumbled down on his bed, Akaashi on top of him and crawling over his body, hands on his cheeks as their mouths continued exploring, tongues rubbing together as Kuroo ran his hands down Akaashi’s back and to his round ass. Akaashi pressed his hips down, against Kuroo’s swelling cock, and Kuroo didn’t try to hold back the impatient moan it drew out of him. His shirt was open and Akaashi’s cool hands were spread over his chest and he didn’t know when it had happened. He was pushing up the hem of Akaashi’s shirt to touch skin, hands mapping out the omega’s abs and ribs, sliding to his shoulders under the shirt. Akaashi’s breath was hot on his neck.

Everything was moving fast but Kuroo couldn’t find it in him to care when Akaashi’s naked chest pressed against his own and he felt the slide of a pert nipple against his skin. He pulled the omega closer, kissing all over his shoulders and neck, wherever his mouth could reach, savouring the quiet moans from Akaashi.

“I didn’t ask you out for this,” Kuroo mumbled against Akaashi’s skin.

“I know,” Akaashi said, kissing over Kuroo’s cheek and neck. “We should wait for Bokuto.”

“Mm,” Kuroo agreed. “But I…”

Akaashi sat up slightly to look at Kuroo’s face. Akaashi’s cheeks were flushed and eyes glowing with want, lips wet and bruised with kisses and there was no way Akaashi could leave the room without everyone knowing that he had been kissed hard. Kuroo swallowed, hands coming to rest on Akaashi’s hips, sliding down to his spread thighs.

“He needs to be here for the bonding,” Kuroo said. “But I… I would feel more comfortable having our first time alone.”

Akaashi leaned his head to the side, eyes half-lidded and lips parting. There was a clear bulge in his pants and Kuroo rolled his hips up to rub his aching erection to Akaashi’s soft ass.

“You’re so ridiculously traditional,” Akaashi said with a quiet laugh.

And the talk was over. Akaashi was down, hands and lips on Kuroo’s skin, and Kuroo squeezed the flesh of the omega’s thighs, hands running up to his hips to push his fingers under the fabric of his trousers. Akaashi’s fingers were on his belly, rubbing against the abs, sliding to his sides, then to the waistband of his jeans, fingers already working the button open. It was a flurry of fingers and limbs, particles of clothing being thrown off the bed.

“I can’t wait for Bokuto to join us,” Kuroo mumbled.

Akaashi dropped his socks to the floor and laughed.

“Didn’t you just say you wanted us to be alone,” he said and climbed over Kuroo’s thighs again, sitting far enough for their cocks to not touch.

“At first yeah,” Kuroo said, hands kneading into Akaashi’s soft thighs. “But fuck, I kind of want him to walk in on us so he can join us.”

Akaashi smiled and slid his hands over Kuroo’s hips, making sure to not touch the alpha’s swollen cock.

“When he returns,” Kuroo said, gasping when Akaashi abruptly stroked a finger over his length, “I want to watch him fuck you.”

Akaashi groaned in response and took Kuroo’s cock in hand. Kuroo could feel how wet Akaashi was becoming, some slick having smeared over his thigh as Akaashi moved.

“I want both of you to fuck me,” Akaashi said. “I want to belong to both of you.”

Kuroo’s breath hitched as Akaashi squeezed the cock in his hand. There was already a drop of pre-come forming on the tip and Akaashi watched it, sliding his thumb over Kuroo’s foreskin, pulling on it with the finger. Kuroo reached to Akaashi’s ass and pressed his fingers into the crack, immediately being met with slick.

“Fuck, you’re wet,” Kuroo said.

Akaashi’s ass cheeks were slippery with slick, his entrance completely coated with it.

“I want you inside me,” Akaashi said with a slow smirk.

Kuroo’s hips jumped at the words. Akaashi held his cock in a firm grab and shifted forward. He guided Kuroo’s cock between his cheeks, the tip sliding against the slick and hot skin. Akaashi was watching his face but Kuroo couldn’t look away from the way his cock was pressing against the omega’s entrance.

“I can’t believe I’ll finally get you,” Akaashi said.

“Me neither,” Kuroo whispered, lips dry as he watched Akaashi’s body curve above him.

“I want you to fuck me so hard I’ll feel it for days to come,” Akaashi said.

Kuroo bit his lips.

“Fuck,” he gasped.

“I know you want to be slow and gentle,” Akaashi said and giggled.

Kuroo could hardly nod, every nerve of his body focused on the way his cock was kissing Akaashi’s wet rim.

“When we’re with Bokuto,” Akaashi said and sank down just a bit, not enough to breach through his tight entrance, “I want you to fuck me so hard I’m crying by the time you knot me.”

Kuroo whimpered in the unmanliest way but was too busy being horny to be embarrassed. Akaashi’s hand left his cock, the pressure no longer grounding him, but before he could complain, Akaashi was pushing down and his cock finally slipped inside the tight heat of Akaashi’s hole. His eyes widened in surprise and he heard the minute gasp that left Akaashi’s lips.

“Keiji,” Kuroo grit out, trying to keep at least a semblance of control in himself.

Akaashi’s pupils were blown wide, a soft smile adorning his face as he sank down over Kuroo’s length. It was slow, a building agony in Kuroo as his aching cock was enveloped by the omega’s wet walls that fluttered around him.

“I’ve never seen a sexier sight,” Akaashi said with a strangled laugh. “You’re working so hard to hold back. Your alpha really wants to push me down and claim me but you’re too much of a gentleman to let it take over.”

Akaashi leaned down and cupped Kuroo’s face with his graceful hands, a drop of sweat sliding over his forehead and stopping at his brow. Kuroo found it hard to breathe. He was drowning into Akaashi, drowning into the omega he had always wanted to feel close to him. He vaguely recognised Akaashi’s words to be true and knowing how he – the big strong alpha – was completely at the mercy of an omega, this beautiful, almost ethereal omega whose hole had taken half of his cock in, whose hands were cool on his hot cheeks, sent a thrill down his spine.

“I’ve never seen such a good look on you,” Akaashi whispered, lips brushing against Kuroo’s. “You’re so in control of yourself that you’re letting me take control of you.”

And Akaashi’s lips pressed against his, wet and needy. Kuroo ran his fingertips over Akaashi’s back and settled his hands onto the lean shoulders, the omega’s skin cool with the gathering sweat. Akaashi was sinking lower on his cock, taking him in like he wasn’t both long and girthy. He was lost in feeling Akaashi surround him. Akaashi’s chest was pressed against his chest, arms brushing over his shoulders as his hands held Kuroo’s face. Akaashi’s legs were spread over his hips, the insides of his thighs warm against Kuroo’s skin, and Kuroo could feel the omega shift under his palms as they kissed, tongues sliding together like never before, and Kuroo was so full of emotions he could hardly breathe.

Kuroo only realised that Akaashi had bottomed out when the omega started rolling his hips, grinding Kuroo’s cock against his slick walls over and over again, the small rolls of his hips captivating Kuroo completely. Akaashi sat up over him, body on full display. He watched how Akaashi’s muscles shifted under his skin, how they worked in his thighs, in his belly to move him. Kuroo felt his breath hitch. Akaashi had never looked so beautiful, almost otherworldly in how his dark hair fell around his face, sharp eyes gleaming with passion, his nipples erect and a beautiful shade of brown on his tan body. Kuroo shuddered and rested his hands on Akaashi’s thighs to feel how the muscles worked to move the omega’s body. Akaashi’s cock was swaying with his movements, a pearl of pre-come gleaming on the tip before smearing onto Akaashi’s skin when the omega rolled his hips harder.

“Fuck, Keiji,” Kuroo ground out, voice airy and weak under Akaashi’s beauty.

“Yeah,” Akaashi whispered and ground his hips harder against Kuroo. “Fuck me, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo couldn’t stop his hips from immediately pushing up into Akaashi’s hot body, his hold of Akaashi’s thighs tightening, fingers pressing into the flesh as he slid his hands to Akaashi’s hips. Akaashi moaned, long and loud, his eyes fixed on Kuroo’s face, and Kuroo knew that Akaashi was spurring him on, trying to make him lose control and take what his alpha wanted to take. He was holding onto Akaashi’s hips, keeping the omega in place as his hips worked, pushing into the wet tight hole in sharp thrusts, their skins slapping together as his hips kept snapping into Akaashi. Sweat was sliding down his face and Akaashi leaned forward to find purchase on his chest, the omega’s long fingers spreading over the pectorals.

“Make me come, Tetsurou,” Akaashi whispered and moaned, low and shameless. “Yeah, fuck me good.”

Kuroo bit his lip, hips working as hard and fast as they could. Akaashi was tight around him, the omega’s slick squelching between their bodies, and he let his grip loosen a bit, encouraging Akaashi to move again. He watched Akaashi bounce on his cock, watched the omega’s hair slide over his face, a drop of sweat hanging from his chin.

“Come in me, Tetsurou,” Akaashi said, voice unusually low.

Kuroo grit his teeth and groaned. Akaashi’s hole was fluttering around him and his knot was already forming quickly, pressing against Akaashi’s rim with each thrust, causing pleasure surge through his body. He had to keep his head with him. He couldn’t knot Akaashi. Don’t knot Akaashi. Don’t push harder. Don’t do it.

Akaashi smirked and tightened his insides, and that was all it took for Kuroo to come with a shout muffled by how hard he was biting his teeth together. He closed his eyes to keep from pushing his knot into Akaashi’s wet and awaiting hole, feeling the tight rim rub against the top of his knot making it very hard.

“Fuck, Keiji,” he managed to say. “Don’t… don’t push down.”

Akaashi laughed, breathy and broken into a moan. Kuroo opened his eyes when one of Akaashi’s hands left his chest and watched the omega stroke himself into orgasm, his semen spurting over Kuroo’s abs, ass rubbing against Kuroo’s knot in the most delicious of ways. Kuroo had to let go of Akaashi’s hips with one hand to press down on his knot, fingers wrapped around it as tight as he could manage in such a state of bliss, and Akaashi’s slick was smearing over his fingers, sliding down the back of his hand and over his wrist.

They stayed like that for a while, then Akaashi’s hand dropped from his cock and slid over Kuroo’s belly. Akaashi rubbed his semen onto Kuroo’s skin.

“Bokuto never does that,” Kuroo said.

Akaashi looked up at him, then raised himself off Kuroo’s cock to sit down next to him on the bed.

“I think some of his omega instincts just… aren’t there,” Akaashi said. “I don’t know if it’s the suppressants or just that he never learned them to begin with.”

“That actually makes me sad,” Kuroo said. “I wish he was… I wish he could be happy the way he is.”

“I wish the world didn’t push him into hiding,” Akaashi said.

“Does he mark you when you have sex with him?” Kuroo asked.

He turned to lie on his side, one hand still around his knot to keep the ache at bay.

“I mean,” Akaashi said slowly, “he does come inside. I guess that counts as marking, but…”

“It’s alpha behaviour,” Kuroo continued for him. “He must have… I don’t know.”

Suddenly Kuroo was tired. His hold of his knot loosened until it started aching and he had to tighten his hold again.

“You’re the only person he’s ever wanted,” Akaashi said and pulled his legs up to rest his chin on his knees. “I don’t think he’s had much of an interest in sex.”

“You think he hasn’t taught himself alpha behaviour regarding sex?” Kuroo asked.

Akaashi shrugged and sighed.

“I don’t think he’d be interested in that,” he said, yet uncertainly. “I haven’t asked either, because I don’t want… I don’t want him to feel like I’m not happy with him as he is.”

Kuroo hummed in agreement and loosened his hold on his knot to see if it would still ache. It did, and he sighed, grabbing it tighter again.

“Your knot is persistent,” Akaashi said and smiled, resting his cheek on his knee to look at Kuroo.

“Not fair,” Kuroo pouted playfully. “You don’t have a burning need to be inside something tight.”

Akaashi laughed. He lay down next to Kuroo and stroked his cheek.

“You’ll get to stick it into something tight soon enough,” he said.

Akaashi leaned closer and they met in a soft kiss, lips searching for each other slowly, still learning how to touch. Akaashi’s touch was warm and soothing, and soon Kuroo found himself letting go of his knot to wrap himself around Akaashi. The ache between his legs was no longer hard enough to distract him from how happy he was feeling Akaashi’s body against his own, how Akaashi’s kisses tasted sweet, how Akaashi’s scent was swirling around them in the air.

“Oh,” he heard from the door, surprised to realise that he didn’t hear the door opening at all.

“Bokuto,” Akaashi said, lifting his head up.

“Sorry,” Bokuto said, voice strained, and before Kuroo could even roll around to look at him, the door slammed shut.

“Bokuto!” Akaashi yelled.

Kuroo rolled over so fast he fell to the floor, scrambled up to get to the door, but when he pulled it open, the hallway was empty.

“Bokuto!” he shouted, but all it did was cause someone to peek from around the corner and burst to laughter.

Kuroo became acutely aware of the fact that he was standing in the hallway completely nude, cock still hard and knot visible.

“Oh, grow up,” he grumbled and flipped off the laughing alpha who retreated.

Kuroo returned to the room and slammed the door shut.

“Fuck,” he mumbled.

Akaashi was holding his phone to his ear with a frown on his face.

“Please, pick up,” he heard Akaashi whisper.

It was quiet. Kuroo could faintly hear Akaashi repeating the same words repeatedly, until he let his arm drop down to his lap, his phone’s screen going dark soon after.

“I’ll text him,” Akaashi said.

Kuroo didn’t know what to do. He had never felt as small and useless as he did now. He didn’t know where Bokuto would go. He wasn’t even completely certain as to why Bokuto had left. He had guesses, but none of them were good. Akaashi lifted his head up.

“Do you think it’s too late to try to catch him if we get dressed now?” the omega asked.

Kuroo bit his lip.

“I can’t leave looking like this,” he said, gesturing towards his erection that was slowly going down. “And you can’t leave without me.”

Akaashi looked like he might burst to tears. Kuroo immediately closed the distance between himself and the bed and sat down next to Akaashi.

“He’ll be fine,” Kuroo said. “Maybe he was just so surprised he needs time to process it.”

Akaashi slowly turned his head down, letting it hang.

“I shouldn’t have,” he whispered, the whisper heavy with sadness. “I should have made you wait for him instead.”

“Keiji,” Kuroo said and wrapped an arm around Akaashi’s shivering shoulders. “You weren’t exactly alone there. I was just as eager as you were. We just… We forgot to think that Bokuto… Fuck.”

Kuroo felt tears burning his eyes and he blinked hard to keep them away.

“I,” he said when he was relatively sure his voice wouldn’t waver. “I should have realised that it would just make him feel even more insecure about everything.”

Akaashi leaned against him, a burn against his side.

“Where do you think he’ll go?” Akaashi asked quietly.

Kuroo didn’t say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello. I wrote this chapter like 50 years ago but never edited it because I wanted to write the third chapter first. Well that didn't happen, so here's this chapter that I finally read through. No idea when I'll continue with the third chapter but it's coming, I promise! I need closure for this story!
> 
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